If
by DreamyBallerina
Summary: "If... " is about the possibility. Many situations could have a different course, if some facts just had happened differently. He would arrive at the right time. She would say what she was feeling. This is about: If the murder of 4x23 was not related to Kate Beckett's mother case? *Please guys, forgive my terrible English, I'm not a native speaker, I'm just trying , ok? *
1. Chapter 1

**If…**

_The murder of 4x23 was not related to Kate Beckett's mother case?_

"There is a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends. As much as I've looked forward to this day, I've always disliked endings. Last day of summer, the final chapter of a great book, parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall, you close the book. You say goodbye. Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. We're moving on. But just because we're leaving, and that hurts, there's some people who are so much a part of us, they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground. Our North Star. And the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us … Always."

The thunderous sound of applause cut the air and silence ensued after these words. The audience of parents, teachers and friends rose to applaud, while the valedictorian thank and retired from the stage, running out to the open arms of the man who she tried to say goodbye: her father, teacher and friend.

- It was amazing! Exceptional! My little girl an amazing speaker, I knew you could do this! - Rick Castle affectionately squeezed his daughter in his arms.

- And of course she took this talent from whom? Me duh! The artistic vein is in you, child! You inherited this natural gift from me... - Martha said, pulling her granddaughter to her arms under the replicas of "I'm her father" and "the gift of words, if I recall, came from me."

Then, Alexis deviated from the family dispute, still smiling, and went to embrace the third person who was there to see her. The person disentangled Castle's arm and hugged her.

- Glad you came, Detective Beckett. For a moment I thought you were not coming!

- I couldn't miss it for anything , Alexis, you were amazing! And please, you can call me Kate. It is very strange you call me "detective" here, in the midst of your friends - Kate pulled away and felt again the Castle's touch on her elbow.

All night had been like that, the imminent closeness, entwined arms, touches hands. They exchanged glances, subtle touches, a veiled caring.

After accepting the invitation in the last days, "that movie with lots of blood and action after my Alexis' graduation," Castle had asked not once, but many times also to accompany him to his daughter's graduation. As was usual, Beckett had refused the first offer, giving numerous excuses. Castle, on the other hand, was strongly folded and every request became more insistent.

"So, do you want to ruin my reputation, Beckett?"

"You're not going alone, you'll go with your mother, Castle ..."

"So I repeat: do you want to ruin my reputation?"

"Castle ... This is a particular thing, family ... I would feel like a stranger. How do you think Alexis would feel? "

"She would love it! After all, you are like family now ... I mean ... You, you know, she likes you, will not mind, will love! It is your obligation to me! "

"Obligation?"

"Yes, as a detective and NY police, you have to stop or a murder or a suicide!"

"Huh?"

"If you're not my date, and leave me at Mrs. Martha Rogers' mercy, or I will kill her or I'll kill myself ..."

"You will not give up, will you?"

"You know I won't ..."

Invitation accepted, for insistence or not, Beckett found herself in front of her closet in the morning, trying to dig for some hidden relic. All she had seemed inappropriate for a graduation party: too short, too long, too outdated, too old, too formal, too vulgar, too weird ... There were so many "too" that she was on the verge of canceling everything. And her mind drew numerous scenes with Castle appearing the next minute, with some dress from a famous store, or worse, his mother, or hell on Earth: some unknown fashion designer answering his requests. But the last scene imagined made her take a deep breath and look back in the closet: he, wearing tuxedo or suit. Occurred by the fifth unsuccessful attempt to any piece magically screamed her name and went shopping. She found what she was looking for at the first store she went. Beckett was in doubt about the impression that it would cause, but everything was vanished from her mind when Castle opened the door of his apartment.

- Wow! – that was the only thing he managed to say, after staying about 5 minutes stunned, looking at the portal - You are ... Wow! – he said through a sigh, measuring Beckett from top to bottom. Beckett struck again, if the goal was making Castle speechless, breathless, or ungrounded, whichever came first.

He followed her with his eyes, admiring the view, and she did not know if it bothered her or not. In the past, this would be cause for some pounding, but now it didn't make any sense. Beckett knew that it was his way to be, and she could hardly differentiate his "flirtation tested" those who were necessarily to her. All she could do was imagine. However, about a year ago, she began to pay more attention to these "jokes with grain of truth", more exactly after he said the three magic little words, very specifically, to her. And they were obvious still haunted her mind.

- My goodness! Dear "Detective", today you really outdid yourself. - Martha yelled down the stairs from the second floor. As always, Martha was amazing, but heard Martha compliment her choice of how to let Castle with no reaction was weird. In a curious way, she felt uncomfortable, it was like being caught cheating on the college 's final exam. - The red dress is so you, Kate, and the perfect choice of the strapless: you are not daring, but still dare...

It was incredibly cozy could be a witness of small familiar things, such as a graduation, and for many years she did not know anymore how it was like: to have a regular family. Although, the Castle's family was, definitely, not common.

After the triumphant Alexis' descent of the stairs, where Castle was keen to record everything twice from three different angles, they decided the night script: everybody would go to the party in Castle's car, even over Beckett's protests, who thought better to go with her own car. There, Alexis would go party with her friends, Martha would spend the weekend in the Hamptons, an excuse for some eccentricity, while Castle and Beckett would back home for the "cinema session " that they had combined.

Everything was beautiful! Hundreds of youth thronged the hall, shaking hands and sampling the gowns. Alexis said goodbye to everyone and ran to her friends, out of sight. Martha Rodgers was one that disappeared once found (or was rediscovered) a 'known'. By Castle's face, nor was thus only one "known", but someone well known to him, so he waved back politely.

Now there were only Castle and Beckett.

- Detective Beckett, if you give me the pleasure ... - And he offered her his right arm. So she, after looking at him for a second as she always did to see his real intentions, accepted the gesture, Castle continued - see, today will be me who will protect you ... For all these years, it was you who kept me from lifeless bodies, suspects, murderers, crime scenes and bosses foaming at their mouths - he was referring to Gates and it made her drop a shy smile. They followed down the toward hall to the anteroom, where the other guests were "socializing" - Today is my turn. Kate, you will enter the dangerous world of the undergraduates' parents and I want you know that I am leading you here among all these bodies full of life, but they are dead to me, and through the education scene. I believe the only survivor / witness is the valedictorian.

How he could do this? Be like that, make Beckett feel like a fool, twirling a lock of her hair that falls from her bun. She followed him, laughing and talking. But both of them felt the tension that was brewing with all this closeness. The whispers in the ear made both wince, their glances crossed more often than usual, and the time seemed freeze just a little, lasting for some minutes these small moments. These whispers were accompanied by intentional hits. Castle, with his approached, rubbed his nose in her ear. And twice he lingered there, breathing deeply, inhaling the sweet aroma of cherries that emanated from her, making Backett shiver. She, in those moments, appreciate Martha's idea to use a scarf around her shoulders, but she was aware that the scarf did not cover this vulnerable part of her body. She knew perfectly well that Castle knew the effect he was making. Kate turn to whisper, took her index finger next to his face, and while she spoke to him, she drew a fine line that ran through his jaw. After all, this game was for two, if everything was really a game. He looked long, and it was like the room and all around stay strangely blurred. Taking between his fingers a strand of hair that Beckett was curling, he placed gently behind her ear and linger there, holding the strand in place. That small gesture was answered by her body, which leaned toward him. But they were brought to the present by the patron of the occasion that asked guests to directing the audience to start the formalities.

Castle led them to their seats, and the tension accompanied them. As the silence was necessary, the words they exchanged were monosyllabic, and gestures and touches began to have new meanings. The arm in arm gave way to hands. Their interlaced fingers gave space to a slow "exchange caresses" dance, where the contact wasn't broken. For two times, they gave to the partner the chance to break this "magic" with a perceived remoteness, but both refused. In a strange way, it was like they were alone, and had realized they were still in the collation audience. Castle did not notice what time his mother had joined them, and no sign of the "known" that was abducted her by almost all graduation. He was trying to share his attention that night: his precious star that was at a stage before him, frightened and radiant, and the woman beside him, stroking his hand, and he hers, tormenting his thoughts since they met . And this torment was gradually transformed into something else, making him pronounce loud and clear to her three words that he had been reluctant strongly against the possibility. And now he knew that his muse was fully aware of them.

After the valedictorian's speech, all the audience were dismissed and the formalities were concluded. Now it was the part that all the young were waiting: the party itself. Alexis said goodbye to everyone, but she showed more reluctant to leave her father. After Castle reassures her saying that he had many things to entertained at home, like the new red helicopter and an Xbox, she smiled and went with friends to the party. While Alexis was saying goodbye to Kate, Martha pulled Castle with her arm and quietly remarked:

- I, in all these years, never said that, or if I did, you wouldn't listen. But now I want you listen dear: behave. - when Castle tried to argue she raised her hand and continued - I know, I know ... I know all you will tell me, that is nothing. But baby I got eyes on you... You really think I did not notice you two tonight? Be solved once and for all, if you must tell her again what you said before, just tell and make sure she is not taking another shot when deciding. Dear, it's so clear to who see outside ... But behave. Kate is a real woman, not an invention.

Then she turned and said goodbye to Kate. Soon, both are viewed alone once more.

- Ready for our movie? - Beckett asked while he offered her his arm again. They went out the hall, toward the parking lot.

- Actually, no. - And when she questioningly looked at him, he added with that way who make her melt and gave a corner smile - I actually would like to have dinner first. - And opened the car's door to her.


	2. Chapter 2

The way back was silent. After the endless interrogation that Castle suffered, he finally opened up. No, he had not reserved a table at a popular / chic / trendy restaurant; no, he was not trying to drive her crazy; yes, he knew how "bad" his reputation was; and no, he would not expose them on a gossip magazine cover.

- Castle, or you tell me what you are planning, or I'll shoot you!

- Are you armed? Where did you hide the gun? - And he raised an eyebrow.

She paused. No, he wouldn't win so easy. She frowned with a pout and turned to face her own window. He sighed heavily, and finally said they would go to his apartment.

- I'm not in the mood for public appearances, if you know what I mean ... I thought the idea of a dinner at my house better. - And then he saw her face through the window's reflection, she sported a winning smile - Kate Beckett, you are a petty person. - Added with a false note of repudiation in his voice.

Thereupon, the subject died within the vehicle. Castle was forced to keep his attention on the traffic and therefore keep his eyes ahead. But that didn't stop him to look askance at Beckett, who supported her elbow on the closed window, curled her hair in the same way as at graduation. He loved it, this small gesture of her, which made her more relaxed.

Beckett, meanwhile, didn't have much to look out the closed window. It was raining, and her window was fogged out. With that, she mused, and her gaze point out from zillions of light years in her own window to get a look at him. It was interesting to see him drives, she couldn't remember the last time she can really appreciate him doing this.

She stared at him with a mixture of novelty and flirtatious, knowing that it would disturb him. Said and done, even Castle would concentrate on traffic, he wanted face and tormenting her too. He could only feel her gaze like an x-ray, direct and profound. She memorized his concentration expressions, or how his eyebrow arched slightly when he looked at the rearview mirror.

- What? – it was always what Castle wondered when he could look directly at her. In response, she only shook her head, smiling a little naughty.

Beckett felt within her the need to register in her mind that moment with him. Seeing Castle in an outside place of the usual made him more attractive and simple fact that they have switched roles in the car that day was unique.

A shiver ran through Kate's arm and she reflexively rubbed. "Where is my head today? You're cold" Castle muttered in a self-criticism that she was not very accustomed to hearing. She had become accustomed to various Castle's facets: the shameless seducer, the annoying stalker, the stubborn child. But she knew about this face, careful and loving, and as much as she dared not admit even in thought, deep down she knew she liked this face, and all the others too.

- I did not realize the weather would change like that - he continued, martyring himself for making Beckett leave her coat in the apartment. It wasn't cold what she felt and Beckett knew that very well. But she wouldn't stop, even she wanted, that Castle took off his own coat and offered to her. - Take.

While she was dressing his jacket, Beckett could feel the fragrance that had felt across graduation. It was delicious and strong at the same time, and was a little more intense in that piece of cloth. Beckett thought probably he had put his coat once a sprinkle, and sit down more comfortably in the passenger seat. The jacket was warm and delightfully scented. Automatically Beckett hugged herself, snuggled up to the fabric, and rubbing her nose on the collar, took a deep breath, inhaling the scent again and sinking into the seat.

Then she noticed his gaze. And felt a tug inside, like a cold that feels before the imminent descent of the roller coaster. Castle's gaze was intense, and even for a split second he diverted. Beckett was not sure of what he saw in her eyes, but whatever it was there, he was seeing. And Castle also felt the same "rollercoaster" sensation, something he had not felt with any woman before ... Maybe the first time he read "Casino Royale", or when the doctor gave Alexis in his arms for the first time and he was afraid to let her fall ... But he had never felt this with a woman. And Beckett also thought the same, did not recall any man have made her feel that way.

But they were brought to the fore by the horns of other cars in traffic. They had stopped. Castle took a deep breath and once again tried to focus on the street in front. Luckily they were already close. But the tension that was in the car was unbearably stark. They spoke no word, but everytime he swallowed, trying to clear his mind, she fidgeted on the seat in sync. And it didn't help even a little to ease the palpable tension.

They arrived at the building and he guided the car to the underground parking. Passed by the parking spaces for visitors, where Beckett's car was. But Castle's parking spot in the building was more in the background. He parked in his spot, and when he release his seatbelt, looked back to Beckett, as if he was deciding what to do. She held his gaze, with some suspicion, but came to feel that shiver down her neck again. She was relieved when Castle finally left without saying anything. He turned and before she knew it, opened the passenger door and reached to her so gentlemanly. Beckett watched again and Castle held her gaze as he always did, because usually she was averted. Still staring, she took the hand he offered her and left the car.

If Castle had been a gentleman to help her out of the car, the same cannot be said of what followed. When she was guided out by him, Castle pulled her sharply to himself. He slammed the car's door and likewise that he had pulled her to his chest, Castle pushed her to the car again. The car was wet and rain icy, and Beckett did mention to move away, even feeling her knees weak by the surprise of his actions. She recalled that it had only happened once, as an excuse of being a trap.

Castle stopped her to going out with his own body and his hands gripped her neck and fiercely pressed his lips against hers. But soon, the initial ferocity gave place to an urgent need for something he did not know what it was.

Like the first time he did it, the astonishment was louder at Beckett's head and the instinct made her want to retreat. Her back was in the wet car, which was beginning to soak Castle's jacket, so she tried to push him in the chest to apart them. But he spent his free arm behind her back, and pressed her against his chest again, preventing her feeble separation attempt. As a trigger, this movement made her want to grab him and her hands, which pushed before, now pulled him over for herself and relaxing her own lips, her hands curled at his nape.

And this frenzy dissolved all the tension established in the car. Beckett didn't care about the cold coming from the car behind her, because the heat coming from the union of her body with Castle's kept her warm. Even the wet tissue being compressed by his hands on her body made the feeling strangely warm. She felt the palm of his hands strolling on the length of her spine, going to the waist to the neck and coming back. Beckett tried to match with the same intensity, but he was always so much larger than her. She settled at the time to go from his neck to his shoulders, and gently pull his hair. His weight pressed more and more her against in the car, but she did not care. No more breathing, it seemed that the air was not as necessary as each other mouth.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway made them back to reality. The sound of the car turned at a specific point and followed to where they were. Castle felt Beckett's tense, but he wouldn't get away, not now that he had finally achieved what both waited for almost four years. Castle remembered that his parking spot was among some support pilasters, so he turned, still holding Beckett's body, from the car to the nearest pillar, hiding their silhouettes. Whoever it was entering the garage, would not see them, only if it was curious enough to go there.

Without the distraction of being caught, they continued to explore their mouths. But that was not enough anymore. With the replacement of the car to the pilaster support, Beckett could no longer feel Castle's hands holding her back. But he gave a new use for them. He explored her neck, waist and belly, running his free hand inside his jacket. In the same time, Beckett's hands came and back by the extension of his arms and back, pulling him on by his shirt's front.

Then his mouth found the perfect way to her neck, and it made her feel a shiver go through her body, causing her a visibly shake under his weight. And, as if it were possible, she pulled him over to herself, letting out twice a low moan, while she nibbled his ear.

The noise of the car alarm being triggered brought them back to reality for a second time. They were forced apart, but not before exchanging small chaste kisses.

Then Castle leaned his forehead against Beckett's and muttered "sorry". – I don't want it that way ... But I could not contain myself when I touched you ... I'm so sorry... – he whispered with his eyes closed - I didn't want to make you feel like any other woman, because you aren't .

And there was again that facet she liked, this new addition he gave a sample moments ago: careful and caring. Beckett touched his lips with her fingertips when he began to say a thousand of excuses and theories, kissing him lingeringly. She could not describe the taste of his mouth, she would never want to leave prove it. When the kiss ended, Caste concluded that it was a form of a goodbye, but even so, he added:

- I think now you won't come with me and dinner. - To reply, Beckett chose something better than words. Still looking at him, she took his hand and led him to the elevators.


	3. Chapter 3

The elevator was a real torment. When they arrived at the elevator lobby, they found the owner of the car waiting there too. Castle greeted, trying to sound normal. But it was like he was stealing a rare diamond in a CIA agent's face. No doubt anything that was written "GUILTY" on his forehead. And Beckett felt the same, trying to hide herself and smooth her own clothes.

When the elevator arrived, the neighbor, about his 60 years, was educated enough to let them go first. Maybe it was education or maybe he had just noticed something, like holding hands or mischievous smile that they exchanged, sharing a fault of their own. But he would go to almost the same floor as that pair of lovebirds, so, no privacy. And never this trip was so long.

Then they heard the bell sound and the door opened for the first time. When the neighbor said goodbye, wishing them good night, and the door closed again, Castle and Beckett burst into laughter.

- I feel like a teenager being caught stealing nail polish! - Beckett laughed, leaning on Castle's shoulder while he wondered if there was anything blamed on him.

- I think I'll always have to avoid him from now - he said referring the neighbor - and that's never happened before ... I've always been good at keeping a "poker face" on the elevator and hide my moves.

So, the conversation died when they faced each other again. It was really complicated to hold that look and have so little time until the elevator final stop. Beckett was starting to caress his hand, as they had done in the whole prom. And Castle, with his free hand, caressed with the backs of his fingers her face, making Beckett length closes her eyes with every touch.

Four years ago, almost a lifetime, if he thinks about it, and Castle had imagined it in countless ways ... But none of them had led him to this situation: acceptance. His mind in a way, after discovering her omission of his feelings, become accustomed to paint a picture of rejection. And this situation did Castle accept it, preferring the things unresolved, that, in fact, solve everything.

Everyone, in the district or not, was speculating things ... This made Beckett also thought on the subject. In the first times that such thoughts occurred, she strongly denied to imagine something with him. He was too cocky, too irresponsible, and thought everything was like a ride at Disneyland. But he "was" these things ... Over time, she realized that he was more than that annoying, charming and intelligent guy who stalked her where she was going, teasing and challenging her only with his presence. He had become her partner. And don't have Castle around was like going to work without an arm: unimaginable and too weird. And after he had said he loved her, Beckett spent more time imagining the consequences of it. He had only said that because she was dying? He would say, in other circumstances? She loved him too? What would they become if the answer was "yes"? And the work? And if the answer was no, would he remain there beside her?

Beckett felt Castle's fingers roam her face once more, and this removed any of those questions. She would take care of them later, not now. Today, she was being carried away. The floor bell sounded once more and she opened her eyes, seeing his gaze. He had arched an eyebrow at her and trying to look serious commented "I think it's our floor."

Then, they went to Castle's apartment and stopped. Castle fumbled the pockets for the keys, but didn't find them. He looked at her and said "they are in the other pocket" and gently pulled her closer. The eye contact was automatic now, it was as if they needed to see into the eyes of each other the necessary permission for the next move.

With their noses almost touching, Castle's hand went to the jacket that Beckett was wearing and without opening it too much, reached inside it, looking for the hide pocket. She tried to not show her reactions, but she could feel the heat trace that his hand left. Deliberately, Castle made the long way to the pocket. He knew exactly where the keys were, but he started running a hand from one side to the other on her waist, pretending to be looking at both sides. The only "problem" was he wanted a pocket on her body and no in jacket anymore.

- I can't find them - Castle whispered with a false concern note on his voice. He was loving it. He could feel, even though Beckett did not express on her face, her body vibrating where his hand went.

"Maybe you should look more closely" was Beckett's response. It was the permission he expected. Even if he had been bold enough to do what he had done, Castle would proceed only with her word. He came a step closer and their noses touched. Joined the brows, lips almost touching, feeling their breath. Castle's free hand held Beckett's back, making she stick on him. Now she could feel not only his hand but his entire body.

They didn't move anymore. It only had the subtle movement of his hand looking for the keys. Castle would not break the magic of the moment. As a writer and son of a theater diva, he knew very well that the suspense was the business soul. "Preparation is everything" was what Castle used to say when someone asked how he managed to keep the suspense in his books. And twice he pulled his mouth from hers, when Beckett came over to kiss him.

But he couldn't continue with this game anymore. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys. "I found them" he said swallowing hard, and in the next moment his hands were loosened her body, but still kept her trapped in his eyes. Easily he found the lock and opened the door.


End file.
